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Follow the instructions provided in “Lesson: Research Essay Content Workshop [PART TWO]” to provide thoughtful feedback to a minimum of two classmates
Lesson: Research Essay Content Workshop [PART TWO]
choose two working drafts to read carefully and provide thoughtful feedback for.
In a reply to each of these two drafts:
- Post answers to all of the workshop questions (below)
- Answer any questions that the writer may have asked within the post.
- Add any other feedback that will help the writer improve the draft in revision.
WORKSHOP QUESTIONS: ( YOU DON’T HAVE TO ANSWER EACH QUESTION BELOW ON THE FEEDBACK, YOU NEED TO FOCUS ONLY IN ONE OF THEM. THE FEEDBACK SHOULD BE MAXIMUM 70 WORDS)
- Restate the thesis. In your own words, describe the author’s position on Beck’s ideas about tribalism. What is this writer’s response to Beck’s claims?
- Is the thesis clear? (Were you able to understand easily, or did it take a bit of work? Are you certain you understand the thesis, or are you guessing?) If it is unclear (or only somewhat clear), offer suggestions for improving clarity.
- Describe the real-world example/s used to illustrate concepts from Beck’s article. Is this example described clearly and in enough detail? If not, what details would you like to see included? What needs clarified?
- Discuss the purpose of the essay. In what ways might the ideas presented in this essay be meaningful to readers? What ideas/attitudes might readers relate to? What type of reader would this essay appeal to? (Are the questions “So What?” and “Who Cares?” answered?)
- How clearly is textual evidence presented? Pretend you are a reader who has not Julie Beck’s article. Is enough detail about the source provided for new readers to understand these ideas clearly?
- Describe the organizational strategy employed in this draft. How are points/ideas ordered? Do ideas follow logically and clearly from one another? Note areas in the draft where transitions can be strengthened.
- What are the strengths of this draft? What elements most contribute to its effectiveness?
The first working essay
Growing up as an African American male in America I cannot help but notice the patterns that many African Americans face. Many of those patterns deal with nonobservance, distress, injustice, and solitude done by others. Throughout it all, the Black diaspora continues to look for solutions like Frederick Douglass did by encouraging Abraham Lincoln to end slavery to the recent Little Rock Nine attending classes to end segregation in public schools. Instead of being accepted as is, there were always obstacles placed in front of the black community by those who oppose them. In Julie Beck’s article, “This Article Won’t Change Your Mind” Beck covers tribalism and how it occurs. When it comes to African American Issues, sides are always taken between those who want the immorality to change and those who side eye the issues. In my day and age, the Black Lives Matter movement contains tribalism along with those who go against the movement.
In 2013, then 28-year-old George Zimmerman is found not guilty of 2nd degree murder of a 17-year-old Trayvon martin. Neighbors claimed that Martin was screaming “Help!” Before gunshots were fired along with Martin’s girlfriend claiming that he was being followed, but George Zimmerman claimed that it was self-defense. After the unsettling decision, it motivated Alicia Garza, Patrise Cullors, and Opal Tometi to create a Black Lives Matter hashtag in 2013 to express their emotions and thoughts of infuriation towards George Zimmerman being found unguilty. What I noticed in this world that we live in is that African Americans are constantly broken down against their own will and are only the ones who must bring the issues to the limelight. After a series of situations that went wrong, people decided to compete against the Black Lives Matter movement made to put black lives to the forefront and address issues by following the #AllLivesMatter & #BlueLivesMatter trend. Arguing that everyone’s lives matter and not just those who are constantly living in vain.
missing some paragraphs and a conclusion I plan on having this finished soon
The second essay
Growing up as a kid, I was curious about how the universe we live in was created but whenever I ask anyone about this I received different answers. At school, I learned that the big bang theory was the answer I was looking for however my church members argued that the answer is creationism. Creationism is the belief that the universe and the various forms of life were created by a divine being out of nothing. Christians and many Abrahamic religions believe in Creationism and through this belief, we can easily spot tribalistic behaviors within those groups. I will focus on the Christian side since I’ve grown up in a Christian household and attended a Christian school.
Creationism is a religious motivated worldview that has been very resistant to change. Christians can have Cognitive Dissonance when it comes to remaining faithful to their beliefs they may claim since no one has proof of how the universe was created, God created the universe. According to Julie Beck’s article, This Article Won’t Change Your Mind, “Cognitive Dissonance is the extreme discomfort of simultaneously holding two thoughts that conflict”. I attended a missionary school that offers classes from 1st grade to 12th grade. In middle school, I had to listen to a class about earth science and the textbook I received for the class was biased. The textbook was published by BJU Press. All the books about science published from them stem from creationism. Every book had an emphasis on how God’s infinite wisdom was able to structure the laws of this world. The chemistry teacher who taught these books agrees with everything that the textbook says and made statements that only a perfect being can make a perfect system. The textbooks do mention other theories like evolution or the big bang theory but the book treats these theories as something that’s not reliable to listen to and only makes claims that everything written in the bible is true. I also have witnessed some students who are non-Christians talk to the teachers about this subject and I found it interesting how the teachers wouldn’t back down from their beliefs.
Motivated reasoning can happen to Christians as they try to convince people to believe an almighty being has created everything we have today especially if their viewpoints are threatened. Motivated reasoning is how people convince themselves or remains convinced of what they want to believe. People with motivated reasoning tend to seek out the information they agree with and avoid or ignore information they disagree with. I have seen this type of behavior on YouTube and in real life. An atheist Korean YouTuber talked with Christians about biblical facts. Whenever he questioned the liability of the information the Christians provided, they would brush off any comments he made and make claims that like God knows the truth about the universe and the bible is the way to the truth. For my real-life experience, a Christian I know keeps sending me videos about the bible and explains why these videos have to be true. But whenever I make comments that disagree with the information he provided, he gets defensive and tries to convince me of his beliefs.
Echo Chambers are found in Christian communities which promotes tribalism among Christians. Echo chambers are situations in media where beliefs are amplified and reinforced by repeated communication inside a closed system. There are examples of echo chambers on Christian YouTube channels or blogging sites run by Christians. One of my Christian family members joined an online Christian community and he reads and posts comments there every day. One day, I got to see what kinds of things are posted there and all I can find are posts about biblical facts about the world. I couldn’t find any comments that disagree with anything about the bible.
There are people who claim that not every Christians show signs of Tribalism. Some are willing to listen to other opinions. I actually saw some Christians have conversations with nonbelievers about their worldviews. In high school, my Christian teacher talked with his atheist student about the reason why the student rejects Christianity. People might believe this claim through personal experience since; they may have encountered open-minded Christians and talked to them before.
Although I agree not every Christians is tribalistic, the Bible promotes fellowship among Christians so tribalistic behaviors are likely to be found in Christians. Here’s a passage in the bible that promotes fellowship. “My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message,that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. (John 17:20-21). Because of the passages found in the Bible like this, I believe it makes it hard for Christians to not be tribalistic.
In conclusion, the beliefs in creationism it pushes Christians to have tribalistic behaviors such as Cognitive Dissonance, Motivated reasoning, and the creation of Echo Chambers within their communities. Even though I do agree that not all Christians show signs of tribalism, it is likely to be seen in most Christians since scripture promotes fellowships and gatherings.